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Peace in Troubled Times

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Wow. A long time has gone by since I’ve given an update on our marital non-bliss. We’ve struggled….a lot. We continue to struggle. It’s starting to really amaze me that Bloke and I ever hooked up to begin with. We really are polar opposites in almost every way.

I’m a social butterfly. He’d rather be a loner. I’m a disciplinarian. He’s perfectly fine with just giving a verbal reprimand (although I think he’s progressing in this area). I love the water. He doesn’t swim well….or even float well. I’m content with not asking too many questions. He wants to know the answers to everything. I love food. He’d be perfectly happy to take a pill for each of his meals. You get the picture.

Well, besides that we actually can (and often do) get along well.  When we put our differences aside and simply enjoy the things about each other that we fell in love with, our lives are peaceful and fun.  I’m so thankful for those times, a reprieve from the struggles, from the tension.  I find it kind of ironic that what seemed to be the central issue behind our issues is now at the forefront of our disputes…religion.  Before Bloke was saved, I prayed and prayed for him to become a believer, to really stand for Christ and allow himself to be changed by the Changer…not just for Bloke but for our family as well. I just wanted us to be saved from Bloke’s well of bad choices, and I wanted him to be saved by his well of emptiness.  Now that he is a believer, our stances on our beliefs differ quite a bit ( I mean drastically in most areas) which causes the majority of our disputes.  I mean we have tensions about finances and parenting as well, but really, those are way more resolvable than fights over religion.  If I’m being completely honest, I have no idea where he stands as a Christian.  And thus the dilemma begins.

So, there is peace in troubled times for us.  We (often daily) choose to ignore our spiritual differences, to forego fighting and to take peace instead.  We aren’t going to change one another anyway.  Only God can do that.  And what a relief to know that I’m not in charge of doing that!  I used to try so hard to change Bloke, to make him see everything my way (because, of course, I’m right all the time ;-)).  Now, I can relax in the knowledge that the Lord will change what He wants changed in both of us.  I can trust that He will move in our hearts at just the right time in just the right way.

I know that I love my husband, and I fully believe that he loves me.  And that combined with the love, provision, and guidance of the Lord will see us through rocky waters and calm seas.  I don’t know how.  But I know it will.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

**On a different note, I have so missed sharing photos with all of you.  However, since no one has willingly offered up the digital camera I want, I am still using my Nikon F4 film camera and guess what?  Film’s expensive.  And so is processing, so when I have pictures, I’ll definitely be posting them!

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Bring on the Rain…I Don’t Need An Umbrella

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It’s inevitable.  Really.  It never fails that I go grocery shopping on a cloudy day and walk out into a diluge (cloud to ground lightening and hail included)…with two young children.   One of which is screaming because she’s getting wet (insert Peanut) and the other laughing her head off because she’s getting wet (insert Bean).  And then there’s me, cursing myself for not bringing an umbrella and ticked off at the rain for ruining my day.  I am never prepared for the rain.  I never have an umbrella on a cloudy day.  This, too, is the case in my life.  I’m always shocked that I get caught in a diluge.  I’m not sure why.  You would think that after hundereds of catastrophes that I would be ready for Murphy’s Law, but I’m not.  Not ever.

When I think things are progressing and going well in my life and/or marriage, the clouds come but I never ready myself for the rain.  I think I’m just learning to trust God and go with the flow.  I know in some cases it’s good to be prepared…emergency funds, college savings, retirement.  They are all good things.  But for day to day life?  How do you prepare for that?  How do you prepare for a catastrophe? How do you prepare for the ups and downs?  You don’t.  I’ve found that being unprepared in certain circumstances has really strengthened my trust in and relationship with God.

Bloke and I have been on a roller coaster since we reconciled.  It’s been crazy. Really. Really.  Crazy.  I’ve had so many many moments where I just begged God for relief even for just one moment.  It’s been one rainy day after another interspersed with some moments of sun for our family.  We may be soaked, but we’re still alive and, really, all the better for it.  Because each storm we make it through on this journey is strengthening us as a family and individually.  Each storm refines us to look more like Christ hence glorifying Him.

So that’s my journey as of now…a series of storms with maybe a chance of sun and at the end of the week some sanctification.  Now, I have to go put some clothes in the dryer.

For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen.  For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.         2 Corinthians 4:17-18