There is so much that I’ve learned from having two children as opposed to one. So much that I need to remember in case we ever have another one. So much I just feel the need to share with those that only have one but may have another.
1. If it’s been found in or under the furniture or on the floor and it’s not moldy, it’s probably still edible.
2. Whatever non food product they ate will probably come out the other end eventually.
3. Glade Plug Ins are nontoxic.
4. Siblings fight. As long as no one is bleeding or unconscious, they’re probably fine. Let them fight it out 😉 They’ll be hugging again in a few minutes.
5. Just go ahead and buy two of everything. The principle of sharing can be taught in other ways.
6. Plates, cups, and eating utensils should all be one color. Less for them to fight over.
7. Someone will be crying at least once a day (usually it’s me)! Especially if you have girls. It’s normal.
8. If giving my kids food off of my plate (because “it tastes better”) gets my kids to eat, so be it.
9. They will do something to surprise and/or embarrass me in public every single time we’re out.
10. Generally whatever that embarrassing thing is will have something to do with me a) not having any money b) not being fair c) yelling “don’t spank me!” at the top of their lungs d) other peoples’ disabilities or e) all four. And it will always be said loudly.
11. It doesn’t matter how many times she tells me she has to pee and we go to the bathroom and she doesn’t go. We still have to go try each and every time.
12. Kids will always suddenly get hungry and thirsty and/or have to go to the bathroom the second you leave the house, even if they’ve eaten or already peed.
13. It is absolutely inevitable that someone will overhear you saying something to your children that will make them want to call social services.
14. You will respond to their glaring stares by offering that they take your child home (while she’s screaming at the top of her lungs and throwing herself on the floor).
15. Traveling anywhere with two or more children is a nightmare. Get used to it.
16. With one child, I would totally take her in to the gas station to pay for my gas, never to leave her in the car alone. With two, I lock them in the car, go pay for gas, grab a few snacks, and pray that they don’t kill each other before I get back.
17. When she says she feels like she’s going to throw up, it’s too late to get her to the bathroom. You’ll just have to clean up wherever it lands.
18. It’s almost always projectile.
19. If you’ve heard your name called 100 times or less in a day, it’s a good day.
20. There are three things that you simply cannot force your child to do: eat, sleep, and be quiet.
21. There will be days when you think a) you wish your name wasn’t “mommy” b) you had a day job (if you’re a stay at home mom that is) c) I would switch with my husband in a heartbeat. d) we are never having any more children.
22. You almost immediately change your mind because despite all the things you’ve learned about being a mom that you kind of wish you hadn’t, it’s still the very best and most important job in the world.