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Monthly Archives: February 2010

Daughters

My daughters have truly been sisters this week. They have fought, argued, hit, pulled, tugged, screamed, thrown tantrums. They have sulked, whined, begged, disobeyed, and generally driven me nuts. I haven’t even really wanted to be around them. I’ve had to keep them separated on more than several occasions.

These kinds of weeks really wear me down as a mother. I wonder if I’m cut out to be a mom or to ever have anymore children. I question what I allow or don’t allow when I discipline and when I don’t. I wonder if I’m completely ruining them or if I’m doing anything right at all. Somehow, though, I came across this song. I’m not sure how since I don’t listen to the singer’s music, but the lyrics make me long for my daughters no matter how horrible they’ve been. They make me stop being angry and start just appreciating each of my precious children even in the midst of their bad (or at the very least questionable) behavior. I’m so passionate about those girls, I don’t guess I could ever feel so strongly about anything or anyone else ever. They touch my heart in ways no man or woman could. They are my daughters. And it doesn’t matter how horrible a week I have had, they love me unconditionally and my love for them grows each day.

In My Daughter’s Eyes

In my daughter’s eyes I am a hero
I am strong and wise and I know no fear
But the truth is plain to see
She was sent to rescue me
I see who I wanna be
In my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes everyone is equal
Darkness turns to light and the
world is at peace
This miracle God gave to me gives me
strength when I am weak
I find reason to believe
In my daughter’s eyes

And when she wraps her hand
around my finger
Oh it puts a smile in my heart
Everything becomes a little clearer
I realize what life is all about

It’s hangin’ on when your heart
has had enough
It’s giving more when you feel like giving up
I’ve seen the light
It’s in my daughter’s eyes

In my daughter’s eyes I can see the future
A reflection of who I am and what will be
Though she’ll grow and someday leave
Maybe raise a family
When I’m gone I hope you see how happy
she made me
For I’ll be there
In my daughter’s eyes

Lyrics by James Slater

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Hotcakes and Hairstyles

“If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”

George Bernard Shaw

Our family has a lot of skeletons in our closet (or out of our closet as the case may be).

My husband got home super early yesterday! I was so happy to have him home as the girls have been giving me a fit all week. When he said he wanted breakfast and asked me if I wanted any, I said (of course!) pankcakes! I want pancakes! So off to IHOP we went and while we were out, we decided to get my hair done for the first time in over a year! That man sat there and kept our two kids completely under control for an hour and a half in that hair salon! It was amazing! And my hair turned out great 🙂

The funny thing was, while we had a great day and fun family time, Bloke and I talked about the past. We talked about how we felt about it now and how we are moving forward. We talked about whether we felt like we’d ever have to endure those times again. It was odd conversation for such a good day. But in the end we decided that maybe it was because we were having a good day that the past was brought up. The two contrasting situations of the past and the present.

As I slouched into Bloke’s arms on the couch  last night thinking about my hair, IHOP, and the past, I decided that our skeletons are definitely dancing.

Fresh Mommy Give Away!!

I love this blog! I read it regularly and find it uplifting and encouraging!  Not only is Tabitha a great photographer and so obviously a great mommy and wife, but she is a follower of Christ and lives as such.  Her posts are always so positive and so full of life and if ever I’m having a bad day, I turn to her blog for a bright spot!  Well, she’s just had a sweet baby boy, but she has still found time to  blog and to offer this fantastic skin care give away from SkinCareRX!  I love excellent skin care products but can rarely afford even to shop for them at Wal Mart much less some place nicer!  Her give away is for $150 gift card to SkinCareRX to buy anything your heart (or skin) desires!  And while you’re entering, you should check out the rest of her blog because it (and she) certainly rocks!!

ps.  I would love to have cute little buttons that link you back to the different websites, but I have yet to figure out how to do that on wordpress.

We Are Family!

In family life, love is the oil that eases friction, the cement that binds closer together, and the music that brings harmony.

Eva Burrows

Another Valentine’s To Remember

I should have written this yesterday, but I simply didn’t have time. If you recap last year’s Valentines for my family (HERE and HERE), my husband and I were separated…but not apart. We were in the middle of a reconciliation.  We were in the throes of a dark night that had been pitch black for so very long, and we were just starting to see the light.

Well, this year we are together…happily. It’s been yet another rough year, but progressively better. Bloke and I are (I can’t believe I can say this) happily married! We see the steps God has taken to get us to where we are. We feel more bonded as a couple than I think we even did when we first got married. When I had lost just about every ounce of love I had for my husband, God took what was at the bottom of the barrel and turned it into full-fledged love. The slate actually does feel clean.

The pastor at the church we are visiting preached the Transfiguration sermon yesterday (see Luke 9:28-36).  It was such a touching sermon for Bloke and I because it not only talked about the transfiguration of Jesus but the hope the disciples had afterward.  There was something to cling to.  Hope has been a recurring theme in our lives as a couple and as a family.  The pastor said, “There is a dawn that follows every darkness.”  God made this true.  There is no day without night and vice versa.  Bloke and I (along with our extended family and even friends) have been through a long, long night, and we so hope that God does not want us to endure that particular one again.  I think I can say, however, that morning has broken – or is breaking – on a new dawn for us.  I really do feel like it is a new marriage, a complete family, and a new love.

Morning Has Broken

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day

Be A Baby and Grow Up Already!

The past few weeks, I’ve noticed my tolerance level decreasing and my impatience increasing for my oldest daughter, Peanut. It seems she has regressed behaviorally, stalled academically, but she’s an expert at manipulation, lying, and being an overdramatic, babyish little…well, brat. I hate using that word, but really, she is. Don’t get me wrong, she has her moments where she is the most wonderful, loving, caring, sweet, nurturing, well-behaved child that ever walked the planet. Usually, it’s when we’re out somewhere so I’m pretty thankful for that. However, being a stay-at-home mom, I’m home with her most of the time and that’s where the action is.

I just keep telling Bloke that I can’t wait until Peanut can do this, that, or the other on her own. I can’t wait until she stops asking crazy questions like “Why can’t I marry my brother?”, “Why is it not ok to shoot people?” and “How is God everywhere and in Heaven?” I can’t wait until she can make her own food, pack her own lunch, dress herself (every day, every time), brush her own teeth, wipe her own bottom, eat with a fork and knife all the time, and clean.

Bloke keeps telling me she’s “FOUR YEARS OLD.”  Most of the time I could care less about how old she is when I am irritated.  I just want it to stop.  But after some reflection, I realized that all these things I want her to do or not do, all the ways I want her to behave, all the questions I want her to stop asking…these are all things that will happen as she grows up.  I’m wishing her life away because it’s convenient for me.  It’s just another reminder of the many ways I am so very selfish and self-centered.  I’m not cherishing her the way she is.  I’m not accepting Peanut for who she is (a recurring theme in my life I’m afraid) but trying to force her to be someone she’s not yet – an older version of herself.  It’s odd.  I’m always so petrified of my children growing older, so saddened in many ways (happy too) to watch them change from baby to toddler to little girl, yet I am constantly willing Peanut to do things that will make her grow up maybe a little more quickly than she needs to.

Sometimes I ask my mom about my own milestones as a child.  When did I start bathing myself?  When did I brush my own teeth?  When did I get up and make my own breakfast, dress myself, pick out my own clothes?  When did I stop being a baby and start being a little girl, a teenager, an adult?  My mom’s answer was, “when you wanted to.”  When I was ready, I just did it.  I didn’t need prodding, goading, harassing.  I just decided that I could and I wanted to.  And with that, my behaviors also changed from baby to toddler to girl to teenager to adult (well, I’m not sure I’ll ever really be an adult, but that’s a different story altogether).

My sweet Peanut is quirky and loving and sharing and fairly well behaved.  She is just the way she should be.  She will grow and change in every way that is needed as God has intended and in the time that He has intended it.  I am here to make sure she is safe, to teach, to present information, to love, to care for, to guide, and to cherish her in every stage of that development.  In the mean time, I need to stop being a baby, and grow up.