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Big Bed = Big Deal

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what’s to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn’t have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves… for growing up.”

The Wonder Years

I so did not want this day to come…the day when that sweet tiny little baby is big enough for a real bed.  I’m happy.  Really I am.  I’m so happy that she’s growing up, but I’m also angry that she is.  And because I missed and was totally unprepared for her transition from crib to toddler bed/daybed because Bloke did it while I went out one evening, I wanted to make the hugest deal out of Avery getting her first big girl bed with big girl bedding and most definitely a big girl attitude (good connotations here)!  I love her so much, and when she tells me she loves me right up to the moon and back, my heart melts and feels like it will explode.  I want to remember the first time she slept in this bed, the first time I finally accepted that, while she will always be my baby, she most certainly is a little girl, and there’s absolutely nothing I can do or want to do about it.

Peace in Troubled Times

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Wow. A long time has gone by since I’ve given an update on our marital non-bliss. We’ve struggled….a lot. We continue to struggle. It’s starting to really amaze me that Bloke and I ever hooked up to begin with. We really are polar opposites in almost every way.

I’m a social butterfly. He’d rather be a loner. I’m a disciplinarian. He’s perfectly fine with just giving a verbal reprimand (although I think he’s progressing in this area). I love the water. He doesn’t swim well….or even float well. I’m content with not asking too many questions. He wants to know the answers to everything. I love food. He’d be perfectly happy to take a pill for each of his meals. You get the picture.

Well, besides that we actually can (and often do) get along well.  When we put our differences aside and simply enjoy the things about each other that we fell in love with, our lives are peaceful and fun.  I’m so thankful for those times, a reprieve from the struggles, from the tension.  I find it kind of ironic that what seemed to be the central issue behind our issues is now at the forefront of our disputes…religion.  Before Bloke was saved, I prayed and prayed for him to become a believer, to really stand for Christ and allow himself to be changed by the Changer…not just for Bloke but for our family as well. I just wanted us to be saved from Bloke’s well of bad choices, and I wanted him to be saved by his well of emptiness.  Now that he is a believer, our stances on our beliefs differ quite a bit ( I mean drastically in most areas) which causes the majority of our disputes.  I mean we have tensions about finances and parenting as well, but really, those are way more resolvable than fights over religion.  If I’m being completely honest, I have no idea where he stands as a Christian.  And thus the dilemma begins.

So, there is peace in troubled times for us.  We (often daily) choose to ignore our spiritual differences, to forego fighting and to take peace instead.  We aren’t going to change one another anyway.  Only God can do that.  And what a relief to know that I’m not in charge of doing that!  I used to try so hard to change Bloke, to make him see everything my way (because, of course, I’m right all the time ;-)).  Now, I can relax in the knowledge that the Lord will change what He wants changed in both of us.  I can trust that He will move in our hearts at just the right time in just the right way.

I know that I love my husband, and I fully believe that he loves me.  And that combined with the love, provision, and guidance of the Lord will see us through rocky waters and calm seas.  I don’t know how.  But I know it will.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

**On a different note, I have so missed sharing photos with all of you.  However, since no one has willingly offered up the digital camera I want, I am still using my Nikon F4 film camera and guess what?  Film’s expensive.  And so is processing, so when I have pictures, I’ll definitely be posting them!

In these times

So I addressed change in my last post. I thought I should go ahead and work on “in these times”. What are “these” times? Well, for me they are times of turmoil, growth, pain, suffering, strife. They are also times of peace, learning, seeking, loving, forgiveness, and understanding. But the phrase itself is used often and by many people to describe the economy, the state of our youth…or used by elderly when they are comparing today’s world to yesteryear.


Either way-whatever your “these times” are-whether they are good or bad, they are ever changing. My times never stand still. My times require me to lean on the everlasting Lord, the Maker, my Rock, my Salvation, my Father, my Corrector because He is the only thing that doesn’t change in these times or any time.

You know, I can honestly say that despite what is happening, I love my life. I love my friends and my family, my children. I adore my God. God has blessed me with more than what I need in this world and exactly what I need for the next. I may not have every desire of my heart in these times, but I wasn’t made for these times.


These days are days to search,
to think, to see, to know—
reaching out to You to find
This Hour clarified:
all History being available
to new Perspective, greater range.

This Time is the time
to know and do;
a time of Portent:
unknown future
stirring into suddenness
of drastic change.

These Times are times for strength,
strength to receive the faithfulness
coming forth from You:
the Hour, indeed,
to Hear and Do.



changeI’ve had a lot of changes in the past year or seven. I have to say I haven’t really taken any of them well or with the grace I wish I could have. I quit school to get married, had (and lost or quit) eight jobs, moved four times, had two children, lost one child, lost 50 pounds, gained 80, lost 40 again, gained friends, lost friends, started smoking, quit smoking, started, and (thank God) quit again, and, most recently and tragically, my husband and I separated.

The point of all that is to say, that I am wonderfully blessed! All those changes and the ones to come are part of the Lord’s plan for me, for each of us. I have been forced to accept change…something I so dreaded…change. That word always (and sometimes still does) made me want to hyperventilate. I’m NOT a go with the flow kind of gal. I’m a dig-your-heels-in-drag-me-kicking-and-screaming kind of person. Well, God did.  And boy am I glad! Thank you Lord for overcoming my fear of change!  And thank You for constantly making changes in me!  I know that out of mourning will come celebration and that out of darkness will come hope!


There comes a time of parting -—
Portent of different ways;
a difference in Season,
new patterns for our days.

That time at hand, brings mourning
until the New arrives.

Then comes Celebration,
horizons opening out;
new Possibility becomes
an apt reverberation.
Mourning scarce survives.