Then he said to him, “Rise and go; your faith has made you well.
I think I’m a pretty good person (as people go I suppose). I have tendencies to feel self righteous, to feel vindicated….to feel right. I know it’s so not kosher to admit that. We’re supposed to be humble. We’re supposed to say that we’re not all that wonderful and fess up to all of our flaws, and I do. I really do. However, I all to often put my faith in me. I mean I have faith in God. I believe the seasons will change and the flowers I see this year will bloom again next. I believe my children will arise every morning in pretty much the same condition that I put them down to bed in. I have faith that I will rise each morning. I believe that the Earth will continue to rotate on its axis and that the sun will rise and set each day. I believe these because I’ve seen them happen thousands of times. If confronted with a given situation, though, would I have faith that God would make me well? Or rather do I now? If I was presented with a situation in which I had never encountered, in which I had never seen an outcome, would I have faith? Would I really trust God with it?
There are so many things about my life and about me that aren’t well. And yet again I am faced with the question of why certain aspects of my life haven’t been made well. I feel entitled to some wellness. I’ve suffered. I’ve fought. I’m tired. I’ve given and given and given. At least I feel like I have. And I can honestly say that I so often question if God will make me well, will make my life well. And therein lies the problem, or problems, rather. Faith and me. Faith is such a crazy word. It may take only a mustard seed of faith to be enough, but honestly sometimes my mustard seed seems gigantic. Sometimes I struggle just to muster up that mustard seed of faith.
As I enter yet another season of life, one that will no doubt be full of changes, ups, and most likely a bunch of downs, I am challenged in my faith and in my quest for God. There are just some things that aren’t like the change in season. They haven’t happened before. And so it is up to me to have faith anyway, to trust that a way will be made known, that wisdom will be imparted, and that whatever decisions I make will be the best possible ones, and that if they’re not, God will help me through the aftermath of them. And at the end, when the dust has settled and my eyes are clear, hopefully I will be able to say “My faith made me well.”