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Two Weeks In

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When a heart breaks, no it don’t break even…

-The Script

I cleaned like I lived there again.  The echoes of the girls’ voices as they played in empty rooms was unnerving. I kept cleaning. Every room holds a memory. Even as I cleaned the bathroom, I thought about all the baths I gave the girls in that tub. Sometimes I jut threw them in, closed the shower curtain, and sat on the toilet seat playing sudoku on my phone. It was nice to just listen to them in there. I’m not sure I said 10 words to them until about 2 hours in when I finally decided to ask Big Love if she missed the “old” house. I was kind of relieved when she said no.

I think people so often have a misconceived idea about broken relationships. It’s so easy to think that it’s like the movies because where would the writers get their ideas from if not from real life, right? The truth is it’s not like the movies. The truth is that even the person that makes the decision to leave is heartbroken, quite possibly even more so than the other half.  It’s not always this big relief.  In some ways, yes, but in a lot of ways no.  The truth is that, while most days I’m fine, there are ones that release wave after wave of emotions of all kinds, thoughts of all kinds, and on those days, it’s so hard to keep it together.  In fact, I usually don’t.

I look at all the heartache and hardships this decision has cost…not just me, but The Husband, my family, even my friends (kudos to my awesome friends, by the way, for sticking with me so well! I love you!).  And sometimes it’s hard to continue to say this was the right decision.  All the other chaos makes it look like it’s not.  But The Husband noticed Big Love’s dimples were showing again when she visited, something he hadn’t seen in a long time.  I’ve missed those dimples too.  I could see the heartache in him when he told me.  He had a bad day.  Just like me.  So the truth is that, the heart really doesn’t break even.  It’s not one-sided, and it’s not always a clean break.  The relationship is still a relationship.  It’s just different.  And it’s just as complicated as it was (if not more so) than before the heartbreak.  And despite all of that, I can still sift through all the pain, heartache, all the burdensome weight that sits on my chest, all the missing and reminiscing, all the memories… and  maintain that it was the right decision.  Sometimes it just takes a while for all the sand to settle…

White Horse

Say you’re sorry
That face of an angel comes out
Just when you need it to
As I pace back and forth all this time
‘Cause I honestly believed in you
Holding on,
The days drag on
Stupid girl
I should have known, I should have known

That I’m not a princess
This ain’t a fairytale
I’m not the one you’ll sweep off her feet
Lead her up the stairwell
This ain’t Hollywood,
This is a small town
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down
Now its too late for you and your White Horse,
To come around.

I’m not your princess
This ain’t our fairytale
I’m gonna find someone, someday
Who might actually treat me well.

– Taylor Swift “White Horse”

Sneak Peek {Family} Williams + Grandkids

Surely your all remember this family by now!  This is the third time in less than 6 months that I’ve had the honor of photographing them!  This time we brought in the grandparents of these wonderful kids.  Reverend Williams was my childhood pastor and Mrs. Williams was one of my English teachers in high school (the best one I ever had…ahem.  Do I get brownie points now?)  😉  This is just such a wonderful family!  Thank you again Styers, Collier, and Williams family for giving me the privilege of being your photographer!

Beach Fever

“The Sea, once it casts its spell, holds one in its net of wonder forever.”

–Jacques Cousteau

This is my sweetheart.  I’m so proud of him.  This picture is of him after he wiped out (finally) on the boogie board.  It’s also the very first time he has actually gone out into the ocean past the surf.  You see, my husband is English.  They don’t do ocean like we do here.  And he’s not a great swimmer either.  He rocked that boogie board for almost 2 hours!  Until, that is, he messed with the wrong wave.  I’m sure he’ll be back out there later this week 🙂

This is also the very first time I’ve entered an I Heart Faces photo challenge!  I’ve followed I Heart Faces for a really long time now…almost since they first began!  But I’ve never had the nerve to enter.  What can I say?  I’m feeling gutsy!

WRAL Viewers!

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I’m so thankful you stopped by my blog! Feel free to check out my work at or contact me via email at for pricing and availability!

I am doing a few more portfolio building photo sessions so that I can start a website, and I need people!! 🙂  If you live in or around the Louisburg, Wake Forest, North Raleigh area, please read below for what I’m offering.

FREE Couples Photo Session

This is for dating or newly engaged couples!

HALF PRICE Glamour Session

This is for women who are interested in having glamour photos done.  They could be for personal use or for a spouse or mate!  You would have your hair and makeup done and we would discuss high fashion looks that represent your style.

REDUCED PRICE Maternity Session

This is for the woman only.  This session takes place when the woman is around 8-8.5 months pregnant.

REDUCED PRICE Infant Session

These sessions typically take place when the baby is less than 2 weeks old.

Fresh Mommy Give Away!!

I love this blog! I read it regularly and find it uplifting and encouraging!  Not only is Tabitha a great photographer and so obviously a great mommy and wife, but she is a follower of Christ and lives as such.  Her posts are always so positive and so full of life and if ever I’m having a bad day, I turn to her blog for a bright spot!  Well, she’s just had a sweet baby boy, but she has still found time to  blog and to offer this fantastic skin care give away from SkinCareRX!  I love excellent skin care products but can rarely afford even to shop for them at Wal Mart much less some place nicer!  Her give away is for $150 gift card to SkinCareRX to buy anything your heart (or skin) desires!  And while you’re entering, you should check out the rest of her blog because it (and she) certainly rocks!!

ps.  I would love to have cute little buttons that link you back to the different websites, but I have yet to figure out how to do that on wordpress.

Another Valentine’s To Remember

I should have written this yesterday, but I simply didn’t have time. If you recap last year’s Valentines for my family (HERE and HERE), my husband and I were separated…but not apart. We were in the middle of a reconciliation.  We were in the throes of a dark night that had been pitch black for so very long, and we were just starting to see the light.

Well, this year we are together…happily. It’s been yet another rough year, but progressively better. Bloke and I are (I can’t believe I can say this) happily married! We see the steps God has taken to get us to where we are. We feel more bonded as a couple than I think we even did when we first got married. When I had lost just about every ounce of love I had for my husband, God took what was at the bottom of the barrel and turned it into full-fledged love. The slate actually does feel clean.

The pastor at the church we are visiting preached the Transfiguration sermon yesterday (see Luke 9:28-36).  It was such a touching sermon for Bloke and I because it not only talked about the transfiguration of Jesus but the hope the disciples had afterward.  There was something to cling to.  Hope has been a recurring theme in our lives as a couple and as a family.  The pastor said, “There is a dawn that follows every darkness.”  God made this true.  There is no day without night and vice versa.  Bloke and I (along with our extended family and even friends) have been through a long, long night, and we so hope that God does not want us to endure that particular one again.  I think I can say, however, that morning has broken – or is breaking – on a new dawn for us.  I really do feel like it is a new marriage, a complete family, and a new love.

Morning Has Broken

Morning has broken, like the first morning
Blackbird has spoken, like the first bird
Praise for the singing, praise for the morning
Praise for the springing fresh from the word

Sweet the rain's new fall, sunlit from heaven
Like the first dewfall, on the first grass
Praise for the sweetness of the wet garden
Sprung in completeness where his feet pass

Mine is the sunlight, mine is the morning
Born of the one light, Eden saw play
Praise with elation, praise every morning
God's recreation of the new day