We used to paint puddles in the sky,
Jump around on trampolines and never go inside.
We’d wake up in the mornin’ and decide
What we would do for the rest of our lives
But the rest of our lives came quickly…
Oh my darlin’
Oh my babe
How long will it take
To be carried away
To go back to the younger days…
Katie Herzig, “Oh My Darlin”
Today I have left my 20’s. In so many ways I’m excited about the rest of my life. But in many many more I am not. I wonder what I’ve done with the ten years that were supposed to be some of the most exciting and vigorous of my life. And I long to go back and try again. To do things differently. To make better choices. My life is so crazy, so full that I haven’t actually had a chance to reflect on who I am now. The person I see in the mirror is not the same in real life as she is in my head. Somehow, some way, I must figure out who this Liz is and what she stands for. And maybe by the time I’m 40 I will long less for the younger days. Maybe by then I will be more comfortable in my skin and I will be better able to embrace the me that is real and cast out the one that is not and never will be again.
Or maybe…quite possibly…I will have a similar post waiting. Maybe I will discover that the person in my head is really who I am and whether she looks 18 or 80 she will always be that person. And that’s quite ok too.