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War and Roses

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2He called a little child and had him stand among them. 3And he said: “I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.  Matthew 18:2-3

It’s kind of funny how conflicts change.  For weeks now Bloke and I have discussed, fought, argued, yelled, and generally ignored every bit of marital training we possessed.  I mean it’s been one atomic bomb away from WWIII in our house. I mean you’ve heard the phrase “you could cut the tension with a knife”?  No no no.  How about a chain saw.  I Before we separated we fought over addiction, neglect, video games, parenting, and a number of other things.  Now that Bloke is a Christian, we’ve been arguing over guess what? Religion!  I mean really it didn’t always seem like religion, but it really was.  It all boils down to what each of us believes about certain aspects of Christianity and how we were willing to compromise on the things we disagree about.  I’m personally not that super great at compromise….I was an only child.  So, fun times!

I’ve found that he has a lot of questions that I really just don’t.  He has a lot of views that are contrary to mine.  He has a completely different background than mine…almost the exact opposite in fact. I’ve begun to wonder why I don’t have the questions he has.  Questions like if God is sovereign why do we need to pray?  And where did different denominations get their doctrine from?  The Bible?  Does that mean they’re wrong or we’re wrong? Why if we have godly desires does God not provide them? Or will he provide them later?  Why?  What about the other books that were not included in the Bible?  Are they real truth?  How is God all powerful and all knowing if his mind was changed by Moses?

My husband is a thinker, an intellectual, a need proof kind of guy which eludes me.  The whole point of being a Christian to me is believing without seeing and seeing when you believe. I became super frustrated super quick with his questions and my lack of answers and his decision not to seek outside counsel on many questions.  Why don’t I care about this stuff?  Why do I not have these questions?  Bloke answered for me.  I have (for the most part) blind faith.  My faith is sufficient.  It’s strange, really.  A sign of maturity in our faith is immaturity if you will.  The Lord says we are to have the faith of a child…unfortunately, it may take until we are physically mature to reach that pure, innocent, perfect faith.  If we ever reach it at all.  I look at the other Christians I associate with and at the various stages of spiritual transformation they are in.  Many (most) are way way more spiritually mature than I.  The Lord has been working hard in their lives.  Many of them believe wholeheartedly without a doubt that everything in the Bible is whole and complete and true.  I’m not there.  Bloke is certainly not there.  But I know that there are some answers I just don’t need.  I need that somewhat blind faith.  I need to simply trust in the truth that Jesus is our Lord and Savior and He died on the cross for my sins.  No other answers are going to save me more or less from Hell.  I’m going to Heaven weather I know the answers or not.  They probably wouldn’t make me happy even if I did know them because I’d just have more questions.  I also recognize that Bloke’s questions and his desire to research the answers are all about where he is in his journey of faith and that he, like all of us, is maturing.

In the Bible, Job 11:7 says, “Can you fathom the mysteries of God? Can you probe the limits of the Almighty?” I can’t.  So, Bloke, I call a truce to our spiritual differences.  I call peace in our home.  I’m not going to argue or fight about this.  I’m tired of WWIII.  And I’m sorry for being so stubborn and uncompromising and for fighting God’s very special and unique refining of you.   While I’m not at perfect peace in my faith, I do not need to ceaselessly strive for answers I may never get.  I’ll learn all I need to know when I get to Heaven and so will you.  You, however, feel free to look for answers.  I do so hope you find them.  And when we get to Heaven, we can compare notes 😉

ps.  We recently had an anniversary, and Bloke and I were simply happy that we were still married…oh, yeah, and actually living together.  That’s an act of God all by itself.  Here are some pictures of the beautiful flowers Bloke gave me!

Anniversary Roses

Anniversary Roses 3

Anniversary Roses 2


3 responses »

  1. Hello! I’m out venturing into the deep depths of blogland… at least until Field Day starts. Then I may have a heat stroke or something. 😉

    Aww, Happy Anniversary! You two deserve it!

  2. I know that things are hard right now, and understandably so. You’re two people learning how to be one again (or in some ways, for the first time). Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you guys or the girls!

  3. Happy Anniversary. I am praising God with you that you two are celebrating together.

    As for questions about faith… I think the scripture that says “Work out your OWN salvation with fear and trembling” would apply here. Even though you are a couple, you each have a personal relationship with God. But how WONDERFUL it is that you have a husband who is saved by grace just like you!


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