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It’s Time to Face Up, Clean This Old House

There’s a song I’ve been listening too a lot recently called “Whatever You’re Doing” by Sanctus Real (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZZayut9i45M). It really reminds me of what my life has been about for the past few months….but especially today.

Today is the day our family has been waiting for for weeks…probably even years. It’s the day of reconciliation. It’s the day I choose to make God’s name famous despite my fears, worries, and anxieties. It’s the day I choose to recognize and admit my sins from the past to Bloke and to seek his forgiveness. It’s the day I will choose to forgive him. It’s important for me to note this word “choose” because my emotions do not match my choice.  How I’m feeling and what I’m choosing to do don’t necessarily match up.  This is not to say the desire isn’t there for me to forgive, love, and move on.  This is to say that I am…that we are doing this despite how we feel. It’s a terrifying day for both of us.

But it’s time. It’s time to clean this old house. It’s time to breathe and let everything out. It’s time to let go. It’s time to start again. It’s time to choose God’s way not my own and it’s time to trust God. It’s time to relinquish control and let God take the wheel. It’s time to acknowledge that I am not at all in any way humanly capable of forgiving, relinquishing, or loving without God. He’s going to have to do it for me. I just literally can’t do this on my own.

I know, though…I have to believe that taking this step will be a blessing and that the Lord will guide us and keep us safe and will restore this family…more like he will create this family from nothing. I made the decision to allow my husband to move back in with me and the girls. I made the decision based not on how I feel but on my hope in Christ.  I’m hoping He will fix this broken family, marriage, and our broken hearts.  Unfortunately, my faith right now in this moment is small, but my hope is big.

I can’t equate these feelings to anything.  I imagine jumping out of an airplane, maybe, and those moments between when you jump and when you pull the string for your parachute to come out are quite possibly terrifying (at least on your first go).  You might think, ‘what if the chute doesn’t open?’  That’s the closest feeling I can place with what I’m feeling.  I try to remember that feelings can lie.  Emotions are unreliable.  But the Lord is consistent and truthful.  So in the words of this song is my life, my emotions, my fears, my brokenness, and my desire to let God do whatever he’s doing.

It’s time for healing time to move on
It’s time to fix what’s been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It’s time to find my way to where I belong
There’s a wave that’s crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there’s peace
It’s hard to surrender to what I can’t see
but I’m giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Revaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender…
To…

Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I’ve wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You’re up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you’re doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It’s time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

Lyrics by Sanctus Real


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2 responses »

  1. Those are some amazing lyrics… touched me! Thank you so much for sharing this!

    🙂
    ~Tabitha~

    freshmommyblog.com

    Reply
  2. Ephesians 6:10

    Peace, mercy and grace unto you during this time! XOXOXO

    Reply

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