Went Down to the Beach

“”maggie and millie and molly and may”

maggie and millie and molly and may
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles,and

millie befriended a stranded star
who’s rays five languid fingers were;

and molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

may came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea.”

E. E. Cummings

It’s amazing to watch the girls develop a love and respect of the ocean, to recognize it’s vastness.  And it’s amazing to see hubby there as well because he detests the ocean.  Yet for 3 years he’s gone and every year he does more and challenges himself to try more, and I am amazed and honored by the love that is shown to his family through his participation.  Essentially, it’s his willingness to go that allows us to go to the beach since a family vacation is not a family vacation unless the whole family is present (at least not to me).

This year, I was yet again sad to leave the beach.  The ocean holds so many fond memories for me, and it brings me always back to God’s greatness.  It makes me feel small and still.  I feel peaceful by the sea even if there’s turmoil surrounding me.  The ocean stirs my heart and my senses and reminds me of all the things about life that I’m passionate about. It is there that I am more grounded.  It is there that I remember myself and find all the pieces of me, and I am reminded of all the roles that I play while for a few days not having to play them all.  And I don’t know why all this is.  I just know that of all the locations that my heart could lie in this country or even in this world, it rests most peacefully in the midst of the salty breeze and constant sounds of the ocean.

• This one of Sam was taken by my mom

My child walking around the beach with her eyes closed.  Not sure why.  She’s odd, but I love her.

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Baby Love’s Beauty Full Seashells

“Mama! Mama!  Wait.  This one’s beautiful,”  she says to me as we walk along the beach together at sunset,  just her and I. “And this one and this one.”  She’s said it for almost every single one she’s picked up.  Every one of them is beautiful.  Every little piece.

They are beautiful because everything about the ocean is beautiful, from the fiercest to the most docile, from the deepest blue to the darkest gray, from trough to trough, and from crest to crest.  Every grain of sand, every animal, shell, and plant.  There is nothing about the ocean that is not beautiful.

Every piece together makes a beautiful whole.  Just like us.  Our fragments make up who we are.  Some fragments are jagged and holey.  Some are smooth.  Some are not fragments but whole pieces.   And then somehow God collects our pieces and puts them in a jar, ugly and beautiful alike, and the jar is filled.  And it is not a jar filled with lots of ugly pieces of seashells, or whole seashells or rocks.  It is a jar that is filled with us, who we are, and there is nothing ugly about what God has made.

They are beautiful because she is beauty full.  They are beautiful because everything is beauty full to her. And they are beautiful because they are hers.  And they are her first ones.  I think I will keep them forever and ever.

Home Sweet Home?

So we’ve been back now for a few days. We’re officially unpacked and I officially have every stitch of laundry done! However, I can’t understand why people would actually want to come home from vacation. My husband says vacations are not vacations unless you live where you’re vacationing because, if you’re like me, you’re sad about leaving before (or soon after) you get there! In some ways, this is so true. How can one truly relax or enjoy a vacation knowing that they have to come home? And exactly who walks through their door and says with a smile, “home sweet home”? If you’re out there, let me know! So here’s some of my favorite pictures from my not-so-relaxing but ever entertaining and enjoyable “vacation”!